i consider myself a music connoisseur, but the other weekend my friends made up a band that sings only about teeth. i believed them and searched all over youtube trying to find their music videos. they finally told me it was false and i felt like and idiot. fmr?

last year i was having sex with some rando and all of a sudden he started crying and said "my best friend just died, and i thought this would help, but it didn't. i think you should go now!" next thing i know i'm locked outside in ten degree weather without pants. FMR?

today i woke up and i had poison ivy all over my vagina. fuck me, right?

my girlfriend and I were having sex in my lofted jewett bed when my roommate walked in. she freaked out and knocked me off the bed, i landed face down. i had to get my penis examined by ems and spent the rest of the day in the hospital. oh, they called my mom too. f me, right?

recently i got really drunk and took what my friend told me was ecstasy. turns out it was cut with acid and i spent the next several hours running around, alternately screaming about wanting to have sex with everyone i saw and vomiting all over everything. then i had to go home and eat dinner with my grandparents. FMR?

my freshman year at college i got blackout drunk and woke up the next morning to find a suspicious wall post on my facebook. "this will be one of those college memories you never forget." apparently, my friend found me passed out in his bed at 3:30am the night before. fmr?

Last fall, I sent a text to my friend about what a bitch this girl was being. After not hearing a response from my friend, I checked the status of the text only to find out I had sent it to the girl it was about. f me, right?

a few weekends ago I got all dressed up to go to an animal themed party only to get written up five minutes after I got there. FMR?

last spring my friend told me a story about how during the first shiva rave, the fall of his freshman year, he saw a drunk girl running through the stream between campus and the TAs. the same night of that shiva rave i blacked out and arrived back at my dorm soaking wet and covered in dirt and leaves. I WAS THE SWAMP GIRL! f*** me, right?

The other night the hottest girl at school called me and asked me to hang out. She was wasted. So was I. So wasted in fact, that I said no. FMR?

A few weeks ago, I was staying at my roommate's house, and we decided to go to a party. I drank too much, blacked out, barged into her terrified mother's bedroom, and tried to curl up to sleep on her floor. The next morning, her mother gently asked me to cut my stay short. FMR?

A few weekends ago, I drank too much, blacked out, and woke up six hours later in the Raymond MPR, covered in vomit and surrounded by security guards. I live in Lathrop. FMR?

Today, I found out there is a suspected case of swine flu in my hometown on Long Island. FMR.

Today, I was balancing a full can of peanuts on my stomach while talking on the phone. I now have hundreds of peanuts all over my floor. FMR?

last saturday morning i woke up to find my 600 dollar diane von furstenburg dress in a pile on my floor, apparently i'd thrown it in the hall on my way to vomit for the 12th time. fmeright?

Today, I was giving a guy a blow job, and he pissed in my mouth. Fuck me, right?