last spring my friend told me a story about how during the first shiva rave, the fall of his freshman year, he saw a drunk girl running through the stream between campus and the TAs. the same night of that shiva rave i blacked out and arrived back at my dorm soaking wet and covered in dirt and leaves. I WAS THE SWAMP GIRL! f*** me, right?

The other night the hottest girl at school called me and asked me to hang out. She was wasted. So was I. So wasted in fact, that I said no. FMR?

A few weeks ago, I was staying at my roommate's house, and we decided to go to a party. I drank too much, blacked out, barged into her terrified mother's bedroom, and tried to curl up to sleep on her floor. The next morning, her mother gently asked me to cut my stay short. FMR?

A few weekends ago, I drank too much, blacked out, and woke up six hours later in the Raymond MPR, covered in vomit and surrounded by security guards. I live in Lathrop. FMR?

Today, I found out there is a suspected case of swine flu in my hometown on Long Island. FMR.

Today, I was balancing a full can of peanuts on my stomach while talking on the phone. I now have hundreds of peanuts all over my floor. FMR?

last saturday morning i woke up to find my 600 dollar diane von furstenburg dress in a pile on my floor, apparently i'd thrown it in the hall on my way to vomit for the 12th time. fmeright?

Today, I was giving a guy a blow job, and he pissed in my mouth. Fuck me, right?